.... in
general or is it other people not accepting I have valid points?
It's been
getting on for two years since I have suffered a vendetta from someone who
appears to hate me with a vengeance. I'm not bothered that she doesn't
like my views on adoption as it would be a boring world if everybody agreed
with each other. What I do have a problem with is people behaving as if
they know me better than I know myself.
The
latest attacker is being particularly nasty and I am getting to the point of
trying not to sink deep into depression and to see the funny side of it.
For what it's worth I do believe that this person has gone through a terrible
time of it with her parents. However that isn't a reason to take it out
on me and she needs to have counselling to help her move on.
Up
until recently this person was asking questions which were button pushing to
get reactions. One of the favourites is to attack those she classes as
'anti adoption no matter what'. The last question she asked was a dig at
me and others who have similar views. The question got deleted but I will
quote from it;
"Do anti adoption people ever read stories like this
one in the news?
I did read the article and it is incredibly sad and
the mother will have to live with what she did for the rest of her life - she
killed her children. It is very likely that post natal depression (post
partum depression) played a part as to why she did it as her children were aged
2 years and younger.
"It just horrifies me to realize that if that
"mom" had been on the internet asking about giving her babies up for
adoption, the fanatical whack jobs on this site (ahem, Pip) who tell every
single person that "You are the best parent for your baby", would
have told this psycho "mom" the exact same thing."
Well that's a new one even for me
to be called a fanatical whack job. She doesn't know how people like me
would have answered if this mom had posted a question. Nor can she assume
how the mother would have asked the question. With limited information if
a mother had posted that she had three young and was finding it hard to cope I
would possibly have suggested she went to her doctor. I don't know for
certain how I would have answered the question if the mother had asked for help
/ advice.
"I guess my question is, are these people evil, deluded or do they
just not give a crap about children at all?"
I know for a fact that I am not evil or deluded and
I have always said the child's needs / best interests should come first.
I have always said if a mother is a threat to her child / children the child /
children should be removed for their own safety. This person obviously
just reads the parts of my answers she disagrees with. I have got bored
with telling her that I have posted that abused children should be removed from
their abusers.
"Go ahead and try to justify your psychosis, I really don't
care."
It's amazing that she can diagnose me suffering
with psychosis based on my answers. She doesn't know me in real life and
as far as I know she isn't a doctor. I have never denied I suffer with
depression but I have seen enough doctors to know I simply suffer with severe
depression brought on by my life experiences / adoption.
"The fact remains, that you tell every single person WHO YOU
DON"T KNOW A THING ABOUT that "You are the best parent for your
child". You must have a full time job of investigating each and
every one of these people's lives to feel that you are qualified to make that
statement. From my sporadic visits to this section of YA (since you know,
I have a real life), I have realized that you spend pretty much your whole life here, have no friends in real life, and project your own experience
onto everyone else."
I don't but there is no getting through to
her. I would also like to know how she works out I nothing better to do
than investigate other people. Even if I was that nosy I couldn't because
there isn't enough information to start doing that. It would also be very
interesting to know why she believes I spend all my life on Y!A. It says
more about her being obsessed with my activity therefore she is the one who
can't have a life.
So I don't have any friends either and had a jaw
dropping moment at that one. It must be a figment of my imagination that
I do see friends regularly and do voluntary work with these
friends.
I do use my experience when appropriate for the
simple reason that I can answer questions based on this. She should be
more concerned about people answering adoption related questions without
relevant experience.
After that question being asked by her she decided
to answer a question I had and used it as a soapbox to also insult me.
Her answer hasn't been deleted yet and am wondering how nasty a person has to
be before their answer is removed. Again I'm not quoting all that she wrote.
"Hey, I'm Pip and I'm a
stupid selfish narcissistic b***h who projects my own experience onto everyone
else."
As far as
I'm concerned this says more about her than me as she doesn't know me and
refuses to believe the truth as to why my son was adopted. I would be
interested for her to explain why she believes I am a stupid, selfish
narcissistic b***h who projects my experience onto everyone else. I am
wondering if she realizes what narcissism means. I may not agree with
infant adoption and I went through a terrible experience which I wouldn't want
anyone else to go through. It doesn't give her the right to decide I am a
stupid, selfish narcissist b***h. There certainly isn't anything stupid
or selfish about warning an expectant mother that there is a dark side to
adoption. She is misguided to encourage an expectant mother to go ahead
with adoption without a balancing it out.
A mother
could surrender her child and be 100% fine about it ~ nobody can guarantee
this.
A mother
could be fine about surrendering and have bad days ~ this is more realistic and
does happen.
A mother
could have more bad days than good ones ~ this also happens.
A mother
can regret surrendering once the reality sinks in ~ this also happens.
Encouraging
adoption without pointing out the negatives such as open adoption can be closed
is naive and misguided.
"Since I regret giving up my
son for adoption, that means EVERYONE else will too. You should try parenting
first even though you know you are not ready, and then once the kid is good and
screwed up, dump him or her in foster care where there are already half a
million screwed up children because of people like me who think that everyone
who gives birth should be a parent."
She knows
I have repeatedly posted that my son was illegally taken from me, I never
verbally agreed to him being adopted or sign anything. How can I regret a
choice I didn't make in the first place?
I have never
said all parents must raise their children. What I have said is mothers
who want to parent and are capable of being good parents should be supported in
their choice. I believe parents who are a real risk to their children
should have their children removed. Some people need to learn to read my
posts properly.
"Psycho!"
That just
about says it all. Just because she can insult me by calling me a psycho
doesn't make her right.
"Pip, are you seriously
suggesting that she "try" parenting on for size?"
She has
appeared to completely taken my suggestion out of context. When I suggest
an expectant mother tries parenting first as it's natural for her to feel that
she isn't ready if it;s her first baby. What first time parent can
honestly say they are completely ready and comfortable with being a
parent. Even with planned pregnancy parents generally have their fears.
She is also not taking into account mothers bond with their babies during
pregnancy. During pregnancy and even after giving birth their hormones
are generally all over the place. Of course I understand that not all
mothers bond with their babies before or after birth. I also understand
that there are mothers who shouldn't have children. The point is a mother
considering adoption decides to try parenting is just as likely to decide she
will keep her baby. There are mothers who choose adoption but decide to
parent after the birth of their babies as well.
"Are you really that
stupid?"
I'm not
as I base my suggestions on real education of mothers who have gone through
this. It's a shame she hasn't educated herself.
"Do you know how incredibly
traumatic it is for a child to become attached to a caregiver over a period of
time and then be transferred to another?"
Yes I
do. From personal experience I went through pregnancy and giving birth
but I didn't parent. However my son bonded with me during pregnancy so he
was traumatised through being taken away from me at birth even though I didn't
parent. Again I have educated myself.
A mother
doesn't have to parent her baby for it to have a traumatic effect on the baby
as the damage is done when the baby leaves the only parent he or she has known
for nine months. It was also the 'done thing' for many years for young
mothers to go to maternity homes and earn their keep by working. They
were then expected to look after their babies for 6 weeks and then have to give
their babies to adopters. Not only was it traumatic for the babies it was
traumatic for their mothers. There have been articles on this subject of
young mothers being forced to surrender their babies. This person needs
to do real education.
With
older children who go into care because of abuse it easier to understand how
they are traumatised. With babies it's not that simple.
"Do you know how much
brain/neuron development takes place in the first year of life and how much
damage can be done in that time?"
Of course
I do, I'm an intelligent life form and find it sad that this person thinks it's
okay to insult my intelligence. I didn't learn this at school I learned
it in the school of hard knocks. In other words real life has taught me
this. School education is good but real life also teaches us the real
emotions of these facts.
"Why don't you try taking a
Child and Adolescent Development class because you are either A: Incredibly
ignorant"
I don't need
to take a course like that as I have learned through real experience therefore
I'm not ignorant. I have got to know damaged children who have parents
that don't have great parenting skills. I also know people who grew up in
care and the effect it had on them. Unfortunately this includes relatives
by marriage who have been bad parents.
"or B: Completely
unconcerned with the well-being of the CHILD in question, in which case your
son was lucky that he did not grow up with you."
I have
never been unconcerned about the well being of children. I believe in
encouraging mothers to be parents when they want to raise their child and can
be a good mothers. Children at real risk should be removed from their
parents. I have posted enough times that I believe any child who is at
risk should be removed from their parents. Shame this person doesn't read
my posts properly!
