The selfishness of adoption

 Reading a question online today was yet another reminder of the selfishness of adoption,  A couple were going to adopt a baby that they believed would fit into their family due to seeing the mother and based on what she told them.  The child is transracial so they don't want to adopt the baby now as she wont blend.  From the wording of the question and additional information they had no intention of telling the child she was adopted which disgusted me.  In this day and age it is so easy for family members to find an adopted relative it is also stupidity.

How this intended keeping this child in the dark was beyond me.  Had they gone ahead with the adoption family and friends would have known as their minister had been involved.  All it would have taken would have been an argument or an act of spite for the child to find out.  Also with all the research and information available on the internet it sadly doesn't shock me that there are still adopters who still think it;s acceptable to pass an adopted child off as their own.  Children aren't accessories to fit in with adopters lives they are human beings who deserve to be respected and treated equally to non adopted children. 

The meaning of life......?

When I was young life seemed so simple and I had my dreams.  I knew that I wanted to have a family of my own and dreamed of the quaint cottage in a tiny friendly village existence.  To this day I can't explain why I thought it would be the perfect life.  Maybe it's simply because I was always a dreamer and knew deep down life isn't that simply.

My life couldn't have been more different if I tried.  I worked for a number of years in London which, despite the horrendous journey, I did initially enjoy.  I liked the variety of shops and the market near the office.  What destroyed my social life was being bullied and lied into surrendering my son.  My job no longer meant anything to me as I lost my reason for making something of my life.  I got up, went to work, pretended I was happy, went home then repeated the cycle day in day out.  Even when I socialised I did on auto pilot.  I put on a front and that was it so I became a very lonely person.

I reunited with my son and for a while my life had a purpose that even marriage hadn't given me.  I love my husband but even so I was going through the motions of life.  I was finally able to be myself, the real me.  Over the years I have felt life has finally had meaning for me again.  So why do I feel like life has no meaning anymore?

Constantly telling my story has become a burden.  I feel that often I am wasting my breathe on the realities of adoption for mothers who have been coerced into surrendering.  My whole life feels dragged down by a combination of depression and talking about adoption.  Too many pro adoption supporters / adopters don't want to know about the dark side of adoption.  I feel like I am on a losing battle.  What is the meaning of life for me?     

Sometimes .......

.....I am just happy to be alive.  It helps to get messages that simply make me laugh at the most unexpected times.  I am also very thankful for the members on the depression forums we run.  The members are all from different backgrounds, have different types of depression yet we are all 'there' for each other.  One member, in particular, has a horrific past and it's a miracle this person is still alive due to another person's action.  This member is so supportive and incredibly funny which makes it easy for everybody else to be supportive back.  It's times like this I appreciate what I have.  The members know about my story and accept me for whom I am.